The EPA Doesn't Clean Up Spills of Toxic Masculinity

[00:00:00] Does the EPA You know, the body that cleans up, um, when something toxic spills, like in, East Palestine, Ohio. Does the EPA step in and clean up spills of toxic masculinity? I've got some explaining to do. Let's get into it.

 Hey, there all the ends. Welcome back for another episode of Ayanna Explains It All, the podcast that bridges the gap between current events and human behavior hosted by the black Muslim lady lawyer. With an opinion on everything. Born and raised in the [00:01:00] hood. Now living in the suburbs of Northeast Ohio.

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You can also leave me words of encouragement, you know, some weeks,

but yeah, I have an opinion on everything. And this week is no exception. You people have been acting. Up. You've been acting out and I'm here to let you know where you went wrong. No, I love, I love doing this. I love doing this. It was a hobby at first and now it's just a, it is one of the many jobs that I have.

One of the many hats that I wear is podcast host, producer, writer. And this episode of Ayanna Explains It All is special because I reached out to one of my Facebook friends, Jared Terrell, who I [00:03:00] have never met. Like in real life, but I don't even remember how we became Facebook friends, but we share similar politics.

That's probably how it happened. And, uh, he's a, he's as fed up about shit as I am. But I reached out to him to get some help with, um, framing this episode of Ayana explains it all on toxic masculinity. And let me tell you, he had some really good ideas. So I wanted to shout him out for helping me with this.

Um, when you guys, Uh, go over to Facebook, see if you, see if he'll let you follow him, it'll be an adventure, it'll be an adventure. Uh, also... I use a lot of sources in writing this podcast, and I always put the sources in the show description. So if you're looking for something that I mentioned here, you can go to the show description.

And I was at one point typing all of the titles and everything out, like, like I still think I'm in fricking law school or something. [00:04:00] But now I just link to the websites where I find everything. And you can find that they're always site to sources. I always tell you guys where I get the information from.

I know that I can explain everything, most things, but I don't know everything. So I use the words of experts, people who have already studied this stuff, people who have. Better opinions, stronger opinions that I do most of the time or some of the time, because my opinion, I'm never wrong. Okay. No, I'm kidding.

 I use sources and I let you know where things are coming from.

Today is no different. This episode is no different. I am recording this episode on a 72 degree sunny day, Saturday, September 23rd at 5 45 p. m. A week later than I usually wanted to because this is just how my brain works. It takes me a while. It takes me a while to get all of the things out that I want to talk about.

And sometimes I get that writer's [00:05:00] block. I mean, I'm writing every episode myself. So mashallah, mashallah. I'm still doing this. I still love it. And now Ayana explains it all. The logo and the moniker are both trademarked. Yay! Woohoo! It took 18 months. I was fully expecting it to take that long, but I'm grateful that I did.

And I had help from my friend, uh, Kamisha Mickey. She's an attorney out of Houston, Texas. So now. A quick disclaimer, okay, listen, I am going to be discussing. Toxic masculinity, but this will not be a man bashing episode. No, quite the contrary. Okay, it's not a man bashing. It's helping you all, men, women, understand how we got into this mess somewhat.

I mean, I can't give the entire history of it [00:06:00] because we don't have that kind of time. And but on a whole, I don't bash men. I don't do it. I love men. Okay. I raised a man. I love me some men, honey. Okay. Ask anybody. I don't bash men. I also don't bash women. I think we're both the all the genders. We're all a fucking problem.

Okay. All of us. I am pro woman. I am pro man. I am pro they and them, whatever you want to be. It's your business. What I am not pro is bullshit. And I see a lot of that being handed out from people who are men and I don't like it. I don't like it, but it's not my job to fix a man.

I mean, Listen, I have tried that shit is for men. It is for men to fix men. It is not for women to fix men. It is for men to fix men. So hopefully some of the, um, this [00:07:00] conversation and some of the tips that I provide can get some of you on the way to fixing what's wrong in your, in your community. But we are not all the same.

Right. And our behavior often is driven by factors that were that are beyond our control, like things that happened to us in our childhood, completely beyond our control. And as adults, we are still kind of spiraling a lot of us, and we need to get a firm hold on reality, on our own reality, on the reality of the communities that we live in.

And this will be a lesson in, in, in empathy, in growing and learning and unlearning and what forms us, how did we get here? It will be a lesson in empathy for women, for men, for many of us who come from situations that were beyond our control, that that's how we became, how we thought about each other, our attitudes, our biases. Many of us come from situations that were [00:08:00] traumatic, abusive, terrible, uncaring, unkind, unloving. We had people who were responsible for us who were not emotionally available to us, who were not physically available to us. And So a lot of how we were formed was beyond our control, but as adults, as adults, it is now within our power, our control to fix this, and we absolutely should.

 Did you know that men are lonelier than women? That is, they feel lonely and are less likely to own up to it than women, but it's happening. And in the last two years or so, more men are admitting they are alone, lonely, without close male friendships, without a partner, without a hobby.

And [00:09:00] these are men who were likely told in their childhood that such things were not desirable traits for men. You know, you don't have a hobby. You play a sport. You don't sit down and fiddle with trains and, and, uh, uh, leaf collecting and bird watching. No! You play a sport. Put a ball in your hand, you run, you jump, you, you shoot it into a hoop.

And not just any sport, no. You're going to either play football, Basketball, baseball, hockey, maybe golf, maybe golf. But these men were likely told in their childhood that such things, close male friendships, partnerships with women that were loving and stable that were loving were not desirable traits for men.

They were probably told that dominating women is what was desirable. You don't have a partner in a woman. You have a wife and you dominate her and [00:10:00] you're ahead of the household. And that's that. They were probably told that masculinity only jives with certain attitudes, behaviors, and activities. And so there are men who grow from boys to men and they are not well emotionally developed and they are lonely because they do not know how to forge close bonds with other men or women.

They don't even want to. They do not fit the definition of masculine, maybe. And so they change their attitudes and behaviors to fit what they think a man looks like. But even that does not work because sometimes where they're getting the ideas of masculinity from are. You know, Reddit subgroups or groups on other social medias?

 And so they change their attitudes and behaviors to fit what they think a man is supposed to look like thrashing about or sitting [00:11:00] vegetatively in their homes, scrolling the internet and offering brutal opinions about women things and politics and society.

 Men and boys are doing things they think that they should be doing. So that they'll look masculine and appear masculine to society. What they're doing is actually forming harmful prejudices. They're forming harmful prejudices, harmful opinions. They're lacking identities and they're actually forming this sort of generic identity of a toxic man,

during childhood, men are taught that socialization and emotional skill development are not a priority. It is not as important, that is, it is not as important as learning to shoot a gun. [00:12:00] learning to protect your family or your possessions, learning to throw a sports ball, learning to be tough and strong.

Emotional skill development and socialization are not as important. Even if you're playing team sports. You're always going to want to be the star, the number one shooter, the number one passer, the number one kicker, the number one this. You're going to prioritize yourself and your celebrity over your team.

This is why we have to tell people there is no I in team because people will put that I in team and swear to God that it all revolves around them. Um, but this is because of how they are developed, how boys are developed into men and whatever boys and men see in advertising campaigns and marketing and movies and televisions in their [00:13:00] homes from the men in their family, from their male neighbors.

And of course, Religious houses, the church, the masjid, the synagogue, the temple, they're getting boys are getting their ideas of how to interact with other boys and girls from what they see other men in their circles doing. So their dad, their uncle, their, you know, the neighbor from across the street, Those men interact with women, boys see that and they either think this is how men are supposed to act and so they become that or because it's so damaged them, they decide I'm not going to be like my father.

I'm not going to be that unkind, uncaring man who works all the time, who never sees his family, who drinks or who does drugs or who is da da da da da da da. I'm going to be different. But there are, there are few [00:14:00] people who are deciding to be different compared to the number of people who are deciding to just go along with that status quo.

But ideas of masculinity of even how a man should look come from the Euro centric ideas of masculinity and manhood. That you know, that chiseled square jaw or pointy nose, broad shoulders, a, a back free of scoliosis, , that muscular, athletic build, that youthful looking face with brains. Not just brains but theories.

Lots of theories, always competing, always driving to win, driving to dominate. This is how we formed the norms of masculinity. And from boyhood through manhood, males are taught that this, this is what a [00:15:00] man is. This right here. If you, you know that statue of David with the, you know, the abs, the six pack abs and he's got, Ooh, the shoulders are muscular.

I mean, somebody made that. Somebody made that. Somebody who definitely did not look like that, made that. And so this is the picture of a man that survives all the hundreds and thousands of years and people think that's what a man's supposed to look like. That's desirable. You know, and if you have a disability or if you have a, a limb difference or something, you get, you know, kicked into a cave or what's that movie that, that, uh, movie 300 where they threw the, the, the, the babies who had developmental disorders or whatever, they threw them into a pile and let them starve and die.

And when boys express that they have feelings of doubt or [00:16:00] insecurity, or they'd rather be a math teacher than a football player or a zoologist or an entomologist, they're ridiculed by men in their, in their family, first and foremost, their father. They're ridiculed by these men as a disappointment. My son, you know, my son, he likes hand lotion.

Men are supposed to have calloused, roughed, rough hands. And as one author puts it, boys know by late adolescence that their close male friendships and even their emotional acuity put them at risk of being labeled girly, immature. or gay. Thus, rather than focusing on who they are, they become obsessed with who they are not.

They are not girls. They are not little boys, nor in the case of [00:17:00] heterosexual boys, nor are they gay. Right? So getting back when society turns against tools of equality, like affirmative action or allowing women to choose what we will do with our reproductive organs, men may see this as a challenge to their survival, their income is being threatened, their career opportunities are being threatened, their educational opportunities are being threatened.

They're decreasing. They're seeing all these things decrease their ability to reproduce and spread. Their seed is decreasing. Suddenly, they think that equality, equity, pay parity are the reason they are denied opportunities promised to them as children in their little school houses or that they were entitled to women's bodies.

Because [00:18:00] they have a chiseled chest and a nice jaw line and a couple of bucks in the bank and the world has not delivered well on the promises, who do they blame for that? Who do they blame for that? Yes, they blame equality. Yes, they blame affirmative action. Yes, they blame blah, blah, blah. Women. Women.

Women are the problem. Women are the problem.

They have to find blame, okay, they don't look for an explanation of why the world is changing the way that it is, why things are evolving the way that they are. They don't look for an explanation. They look for someone to blame. They look for someone who could be the reason and that someone, that group is women.

It's always women. It's always women. It's women's fault. We let them vote. We let them have jobs. We let them work outside the [00:19:00] home. And then after women, it's gays,

gays, women's gays, lesbians, transsexuals, blacks, Asians, all of these non male groups, really non white male. Non white, non male groups are sucking from them the life that they always wanted. Oh, the poor dears. Men see a woman in leadership and want to know, What has she done to earn that spot? And then they suddenly have to tarnish her in the media.

She has to be a bitch. Any woman who's a CEO has to be labeled a bitch. Any woman who's in charge at a news station has to be a bitch. Or they see a woman with a nice handbag, a nice car. Nails done, hair done. Oh, she must have prostituted herself. They see a [00:20:00] woman dancing. Whore! She's a whore! Look at the way she's dressed.

Look at how she's showing her butt cheeks and her breasts. She's a whore! They don't see a woman dancing and think, Oh, it's just a woman dancing. No, they watch these award shows like the BET Awards and the MTV, the VMAs and all of that. They see women dressed how they want, women doing what they want, living their lives, being the free creatures that they are, whore.

See, that's why men don't want to don't want to wife you. That's why men treat you the way that they do. That's why your dad left. Maybe if you had had a dad in the home, ridiculous, ridiculous, that's toxic masculinity. That's toxic masculinity and toxic masculinity by way of a definition refers to a [00:21:00] set of cultural norms and expectations that pressure men.

To conform to certain traditional behaviors and attitudes. And these often include suppressing emotions, demonstrating dominance, and avoiding anything deemed feminine. And these societal expectations can have severe consequences. Toxic masculinity can lead to issues like gender based violence, mental health problems, and strained relationships.

Toxic masculinity can perpetuate violence and aggression as men are often encouraged to solve conflicts through force. And this can have dire consequences on a broader societal level. And it doesn't stop there. The pressure to conform to these stereotypes often suppression that's detrimental to men's [00:22:00] mental health.

The loneliness, the depression. The personality disorders and men are often discouraged from seeking help for mental health issues, anxiety disorders, PTSD even, which can lead to untreated mental health disorders, which can lead to uncontrolled symptoms, which can lead to them being dysfunctional at work, dysfunctional in their relationships, dysfunctional in their home life.

It can lead to suicide. It can lead to violence against their families, against their friends, workplace violence. It's crucial to break down these barriers and encourage men to talk openly about their feelings. I know. Oh, city boys, come give mama a hug,

but it is. You all need to fucking talk about this. You need to talk [00:23:00] about this, not just talk to someone about it. You need to talk to each other about it. It's crucial to break down these barriers and encourage men to talk openly about their feelings.

What defines manhood? What is a man? Do you know? Or were you bullied into defining yourself as a brute, a grunter, an idiot who is good with a wrench and a football, a workhorse who is emotionally unavailable to his family, who carries the weight of being someone's everything on his shoulders? Who are you as a man and why?

What kind of man are you? Are you an incel? Are you a feminist? Are you an apathetic creature? Are you a loner? Are you a dominant? Are you a alpha male? Beta male? What's the other one? Delta male? Omega male? I [00:24:00] mean, men come in all shapes, sizes, and identities, and their masculinity is valid no matter how they express it, except when it's toxic and it's hurting people.

Nothing that is toxic helps. Nothing. Not being a toxic female, toxic man, a toxic spill from a Norfolk Southern train. Nothing! We should be supporting and promoting media that portrays diverse and positive representations of men. Men need to do this. Positive masculinity involves embracing qualities such as empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence.

It's about being respectful, supportive, and open minded. It's also about recognizing that masculinity isn't a one size fits all concept.

 I mentioned before, uh, in cells, I was actually going to do this episode all about in cells, but then I was like, that's too narrow. That's [00:25:00] too narrow. And it doesn't, it doesn't really help because you know, in cell has become like an insult lately and in, and in a way of dismissing, um, men, you don't like the same way misogyny becomes.

a way of dismissing men whose opinions you, you don't like misogyny is a very specific thing. Words mean things very specific. And when you say misogyny, you're talking about prejudice against women and prejudice is strong. Prejudice is not some lazy opinion that a man has about woman stuff. No means that you have some power.

It implies that you have power over the thing that you're discriminating against over the thing that you are against. It's not just, Oh, I don't like women who wear short skirts. Okay.

But it don't change anything. You don't have any power, so you can't change anything, right? Prejudice is stronger than that. [00:26:00] Okay. So what are you doing with the fact that you don't like women who wear short skirts? Are you shouting? Are you standing on a, in the middle of the town square shouting at women who are wearing short skirts, pointing them out, shooting arrows at them?

That's different. That's misogyny. You having an opinion, fine. When the opinion becomes something that you're using against women, that's misogyny. And so an incel is short for an involuntary celibate. It's a term used to describe a person, typically a man, typically a man, but it can be a woman. Who believes they are unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one in cells often express deep frustration, anger, and resentment towards society, particularly towards women whom they blame for their inability to form romantic relationships or http: [00:27:00] have sexual experiences Now, in cell, the personality can be a type of toxic masculinity because these people often blame women for their problems. They're blaming women for why they don't have successful romantic relationships, why they can't get a date. For why they can't get laid, excuse me, because all them bitches out there, all them stuck up bitches.

And for lack of a better example, I mean, if you're looking for one quick example, I found that I could remember from pop culture was Norman Bates. Right? Norman Bates, the, the character from Psycho. He was, he is an incel. That character is an incel. You know, he's a young man with an Oedipus esque relationship with his mother, spurned by women for being awkward around them and for living with his mother, for working at a [00:28:00] motel and being suspiciously quiet.

For never really having dated anyone for being, you know, mild and meek. Of course, we know what's, what's lying underneath that. But taxidermy is his hobby. What kind of man has taxidermy as a hobby? Well, a taxidermist.

Or just somebody who likes taxidermy. Damn. But he has a, if you watch the psycho movies, there was like two sequels, which I watched. Don't watch them. They're terrible, but it fleshes out the story of Norman more. Not that we needed it, but whatever. But Norman has a nervous manner of speaking, but he hated women.

He hated his mother. But he hated men who would try to interfere in his relationship with his mother because he wanted to be the only man in her life, right? And he didn't want her to ever leave him because [00:29:00] he couldn't be on his own. He was codependent, couldn't be on his own, couldn't live without her, but also didn't want anyone else to have her.

And so he killed men who got in his way of his relationship with his mother. And then he would kill women and say it was because his mother told him to because they were whores. Norman, what do a really good mother, Bates , what was her name? Norma was her name Norma Bates. But Norma man. But , he would use his mother as is an excuse for why he was killing, like he would become his mother.

Like he had multiple personalities, however you wanna call it. They say that multiple personality disorder really doesn't exist and is dissociative disorder, but whatever nowadays, In cells use ultra masculine figures as their, their dominance. [00:30:00] You know, if you've ever heard of Andrew Tate, the vile, vile, violent misogynist held now in Romania, interestingly for rape charges.

Or, you know, Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, Shapiro, Shpugney, whatever. Kevin Samuels, the late Kevin Samuels. These pseudo intellectuals dressed, you know, dressed the part. They're either wearing suits or they've got the bow ties. They're sitting in a room with a microphone. And they're speaking very authoritatively.

The men's men, they dress well and they smell good and they say what men are thinking about everything but aren't allowed to say because women and matriarchal, matriarchal leaning society shut them down. They don't want to hear [00:31:00] this. Women don't like to be criticized. They don't want to hear how bad they can be.

They don't want to hear, they don't want to hear how the white man is under attack, is under threat. They don't want to hear how men are under attack. That's my, my, my impression of Ben Shapiro. No, I didn't think so. And they'll scream, you know, misandry, misandry. This is misandry. When someone mentions toxic masculinity, misandry is prejudice against men.

It's the opposite. Well, the, the, the counterpart to, uh, misogyny is misandry. And these men, you know, they're wearing a suit or they have a microphone, they have millions of followers and they're, they, you see their videos everywhere and people are always talking about them and their podcasts are number one here.

And they're doing YouTube live streams and Twitch live [00:32:00] streams and live streaming. They have sponsors and they have money. And they're present, so they must be taken seriously. Never mind that their ideas are trash, trash, trash. Anything that suggests superiority of one person over another simply because they exist is trash.

In my opinion, the thing that distinguishes us from each other is our deeds, not our color, not our gender, not our jobs, not our income level. If you're a piece of shit rich person, you're no better than a poor person who's a piece of shit.

But the, the, the poor person who does good is better than you. We're distinguished by our deeds, not by the things that we have or what our skin looks like. Doesn't matter. I don't care if you're white, [00:33:00] you're black. You don't get to be superior over me because of your race or your gender or what you have in the bank, honey.

No, it doesn't work like that. But at the same time, I don't get to discriminate against or be prejudiced against you because of what you have and who you are and what you look like. Equality rests on our deeds, what we do on this earth, not what we look like. But you can't tell people that because, like I said, Those norms, those norms, telling people, this is what you should be and this is what you have.

And if you look like this, and if you have this, you're doing it right. And you're entitled to all of these prizes, these fabulous prizes shall be yours. But these ideas from these people, from, you know, the Joe Rogans and the Andrew Tates, there are, their ideas are madness, madness, [00:34:00] but it's not, it's usually not something they came up with themselves.

That madness was passed down to them and it was passed to the generation before that and the one before that and so forth. And there is a psychological condition that I, you know, when I was talking to Jared about this, we were kicking around some ideas of, cause you know, all of this is rooted in psychology, of course, but it's also rooted in sociology.

But there are a couple of psychological disorders and ideas that fit the mold here for toxic masculinity. And one that we looked at. is communicated insanity. Follie a Dieu, as it is called, or Follie a Trois, a Quatre, a Cinq, a Famille, but it can involve two people, three, or four, or an entire family or community.

And the term Follie a [00:35:00] Dieu includes several in which mental symptoms, particularly paranoid delusions are transmitted from one person to one or more others with whom the apparent instigator is in some way intimately associated so that he or she and they come to share the same delusional ideas and it proposes that these crazy ideas Survive to protect the status quo.

And people repeat these attitudes and behaviors and delusions they gathered from their household or community or social circles. And these delusions, these paranoid thoughts go on through generations of people and families because they are never corrected or challenged within the folly. People learn them, absorb them, live them.

And no one who is against, who is outside [00:36:00] the circle, who was outside the status quo has enough power, the right tools to change the thinking. It has to be done from within, you know? I, I'll tell you how I concluded that I wanted to discuss this topic of toxic masculinity because I've often talked about, um, gender norms and in relationships in business and I've talked about empathy and I've talked about prejudice and I've talked about unconscious bias.

And how all of these things are dangerous and how they permeate societies and groups of people and how it's basically killing us. It's killing our relationships. It's killing our spirit. It's poisoning our children and we're not forming healthy bonds with each other.

We're not being good to ourselves or our neighbors or our family members. And recently a woman, um, who has [00:37:00] a, who had, I'll tell you why she had a nice following on TikTok, social media. I wouldn't call her an influencer, but she was someone who posted videos about her various adventures and she would do skits and everything.

And she would go live from her TikTok account. So this happened about three weeks ago, I think. And, um, her name is Ro and she went live. On tiktok from an emergency room bed, she was in the bed. She was crying. One side of her face was swollen. I think it was the left side. She was in a hospital gown and she's crying, describing an incident where a man hit her in the face with a brick for As she put it, refusing to give him her phone number.

Now, of course we have to say allegedly because [00:38:00] he hasn't been charged or convicted, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But several people witnessed this and they did nothing. Several people witnessed this and they did nothing to help her. They witnessed her being harassed and did nothing. They witnessed her being hit in the face and they did nothing.

Similar to the, uh, the woman out of Chicago, who people witnessed being hit by a stranger in a restaurant, and her son had to come in and defend her. People did nothing. People did nothing. They don't want to be involved. It's, it's, it's also not that they don't want to be involved, but they agree with what is happening.

So, but this behavior, her being hit for not giving a man her phone number, is not hard for me to believe at all. But it's hard for other people to believe, particularly men. But I myself have been called a bitch for not giving a [00:39:00] man my phone number. I've never been hit. I've never been assaulted by a stranger.

Not by a stranger, but I've seen multiple stories of similar things happening to women and worse. For refusing a man's attention, for refusing a man's phone number, for refusing to go out on a date with a man. It's gotten so bad now for women. All of these stories are circulating and the, the air has gotten so toxic.

That women, many of us have come to the conclusion that we're just going to give them what they want. We're going to give them our phone number. We're going to agree to the date, even if we ended up, even if we'd end up not going because in that moment, we don't want to be assaulted in that moment. We don't want to be harassed.

I watched a video, this woman, she was mining her business. She was out in a street festival with friends. There were dozens of other people around and this man comes up to her and he wants her phone number [00:40:00] and she's like, no, first of all, we don't have to give you a fucking thing. You're not entitled. You are not entitled to a woman.

You are not entitled to a woman. You are not entitled to anything. Everything on this earth is earned. Even children, even children, God will give you a child, but guess what? If you don't do right by that child, guess what? They're going to take it. They're going to take that child from you. You're not entitled to women.

So when a woman says, no, you cannot have my phone number, no, I don't want to go out with you. Move the fuck on. Move on. And yeah, I can say this to women to move on. The man don't want to be with you. A man don't want to go out. Move the fuck on. But this guy continued to follow the woman and harass her and harass her and cuss.

I mean, he was cussing her out, calling her all kinds of names. Eventually the [00:41:00] police showed up and arrested him because he had a warrant. But then. His daughter went on the internet and started bashing the woman on the video she posted, calling her names, calling her trash, saying all that in defense of her father.

How do you defend someone who is wrong, number one, and then number two, become exactly what they are. In defense of them,

but back to this, the, the story with Ro, she was hit in the face with a fucking brick. She was hit in the face with a brick. That could have killed her. That could have killed her. If the force was strong enough, it could have killed her. Could have killed her. Not that you all give a fuck. Not that the people who were there give a fuck.

Not that the people who are now online attacking her give a fuck. [00:42:00] For me as a person who has experienced violence from men, I cannot tolerate any of it. When a woman says this happened to her, I fucking believe it. I believe it because I have seen it with my own eyes. I had a fucking bowl thrown at my head just for saying something a man didn't like.

I had a glass bowl thrown at my head. So I'm not, I'm not projecting here. I'm just saying this shit happens, but it's the toxic male figure who believes it didn't happen that they're lying. It's impossible. So these people have gone online, they attacked her in her social media. She's had to get off social media.

I believe she rejoined, um, Instagram, but all of her social media is private. They doxed her. They harassed her son's school. Yeah, they found out where her son went to school and called the [00:43:00] school to, I don't even know, talk shit about her, threaten her. Her friend established a GoFundMe because this young woman works at a non profit so she does not have health insurance.

She needs money for therapies now. She needs money for hospital bills now because a man hit her in the face with a fucking brick for refusing his phone number. And so there are people who will go onto the GoFundMe campaign and they report it as fraud.

They report it as fraud because they don't like her. They don't believe her because she's a woman. They don't believe her just because she's a woman saying that a man did it. They combed through her social media to find some excuse. Some reason why she might be lying. Ah, because she likes men. She likes to toy with men.

She's interacted with men before. So there's no way a man would have done this. She must be [00:44:00] lying. She likes men. How could she say that a man would hit her? She likes men.

Yes. How could she do that? She likes men. Oh, look, she's, she's doing these things out on the street with men. So she must be lying. Then they made up all kinds of, they made up stories.

They made up stories.

They made up stories of how she could have gotten that swollen face. They said it was her hair products. They said it was an allergic reaction to her hair. I don't, this is not funny. But they made up entire narratives to undercut her story to say why she's lying. They made things up and did whole videos about them.

This woman put her medical record [00:45:00] from the night in question from her hospital visit on the internet to show that yes, she had. X rays. She was seen by a doctor. The doctor said this and this and this and this. And they still said she was lying.

And, and they even like, okay, if you want to leave a comment on a GoFundMe, campaign, you have to donate. You can't leave a comment without donating. So they were actually donating, men were actually donating money, 1, 5 to the campaign just so they could leave a message saying that it was bullshit.

Do you see how insidious and awful and ugly this is? People get so deep in their ugliness, so deep in it, in their lies. You believe one lie, you'll believe more and more and more and more and more and more and more. And some people cannot hear the truth. They don't want to hear the truth. There's no way.[00:46:00]

Some people can not hear the truth. They actually do not hear it. Their brain does not compute. But the story was so compelling that NBC News investigated and in the article, it's on NBC news. com. It's called, the article is called brick gate, brick gate. Revives an age old argument between black men and women.

And this is at NBC news. com because the world needed confirmation that she was indeed injured by a man after he hit her in the face with the brick and required emergency medical care. And of course, you know, it's healthy to have skepticism about things. We need to be skeptical of everything really. And then there's.

psychosis. There's healthy skepticism and then there's psychosis and no, it's not a thin line between the two. It's a very thick line, but most people are on the side of [00:47:00] psychosis. That just having a healthy, a modicum of skepticism does not occur to them.

These men and women who are attacking this woman and trying to discredit her, I mean, doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't it sound familiar when something major happens and people take to the internet to discredit it as being false? False flag? Sound familiar? Sandy Hook deniers? Sandy Hook deniers, you people who saw in the news, on TV, in newspapers, in interviews, people crying, crying, a woman crying because her sister had been murdered at her job, had been murdered, had her face blown off.

And her job and you all called her a [00:48:00] false flag. You call this a false flag. You called them. No, you called her a crisis actor. Crisis act

said these, this was a false flag to get people worked up about gun rights so you can come and take her guns. But but listen to this, listen to this. You created the problem of how a man was able to take a gun and go into a school and kill 26 children and their teachers and principal. So you created the problem of lax gun control.

You created the problem of Americans having a gun in every household, children having guns, people who should not have guns having guns. You created the problem, you Sandy Hook deniers, you NRA members, you second [00:49:00] amendment gun nuts. You created the problem. And then when it blew up in your face, you denied it ever happened so that you didn't have to deal with the problem that you created.

So you didn't have to deal with it, so you didn't have to look within yourself and go, yeah, we need to change something about this. There's a problem. We need to change something about this. You deny that it ever happened. So you didn't have to do anything about it.

Men create the ideas that allow the vicious violence against women to be acceptable. And when a man It uses violence against a woman. They deny it happened so they do not have to deal with it. So they do not have to fix it. So they don't have to change anything about themselves or other men.[00:50:00]

And when people in the group don't deal with the ideas and behavior that lead to a man hitting a woman with a brick because she refused his advances, then the behavior continues and each generation, it gathers another ingredient. It gathers another tool of violence. You men, you all created this problem.

You created the norms. You created the toxic masculinity that rails against the norms or that have now become the norms, and then when it is used against someone as a violent act, deny that the violence happened so that you don't have to do anything about it. Because doing something about it means that you would have to admit that there is a problem and that you might be the problem.[00:51:00]

You created the ad campaigns. You wrote the books. You invented the ideas on what it means to be a man. Even the fairy tale figures in The Little Mermaid and Cinderella and Snow White were written by men. You said this is what is manly. You said this is what is masculine. And when those ideas come raining down in blows.

You deny it ever happened. So that you don't have to do anything about it so you can maintain the status quo that serves you and preserves your power and keeps you powerful and keeps women under you, keeps you dominating in society. When you create a belief system, you become responsible for the ideas and the dissemination of the ideas and the followers of those ideas.

When gun owners, particularly white people, were in deep denial about their actions [00:52:00] that resulted in the Sandy Hook shooting in Columbine, in Orlando, in Uvalde, in Virginia Tech, all these incidents, they dismissed gun problems as a problem of the hood and black gangs, and that therefore there isn't a gun problem, but a people problem.

The problem is people, not guns! You are in denial about the problem and your role in creating it, even if the problem comes to bear on your own family, still doesn't change your mind. You think to yourself, well, if only I, I had had my gun and I was there. I would have been able to shoot back. The only thing stopping a bad man with a gun is a good man with a gun.

Y'all ain't stopping shit. Y'all are not stopping anything. You can't even keep a man from hitting a woman in the face with a brick. Y'all just stood there.

 You can't [00:53:00] accept that there is a black man who physically abused and so violently harmed an innocent black woman who was merely not wanting to give her phone number to him. That men take the approval and acceptance of women so seriously that when they don't get it, when they don't receive it,

they need to lash out. They have to lash out. It completely conflicts with that hard ass heartless thug trope that they are forced by society to keep portraying in their world. It has to be a lie because there's no way a black man could ever be that fucking crazy and mean. Yeah, completely fragile and vulnerable with his heart and ego.

There's no way. No way. You don't believe it doesn't jive There's no way that a man could be that fucking [00:54:00] crazy yet still need the approval of a woman.

No way. No way

Remember when I mentioned skepticism, even if you didn't grow up with the old fashioned ideas of manhood and masculinity, something else grabbed you, informed the idea in you. And instead of questioning it, instead of being skeptical, you became fixated on masculinity.

And instead of questioning toxic masculinity, you became fixated on it. And as one author writes, toxic masculinity tells men to be tough. It doesn't teach them to be emotionally stable. It tells men to be leaders. It doesn't teach them to take [00:55:00] responsibility. It tells men to be dominant. It doesn't teach them to negotiate in their interest.

Toxic masculinity tells men to be dangerous. It doesn't teach them to be protective. And skepticism of toxic masculinity of toxic ideas is actually how you combat these dangerous ideas by presenting positive and healthy ideas of manhood. But this has to be done by Men, men have to do this

confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is winning. Unconscious bias is winning. Toxic ideas are winning.

Healthy skepticism is not. Empathy is not winning. Empathy is not winning. Common sense isn't even [00:56:00] winning. If common sense can't survive, none of this other shit can either. But healthy skepticism is not complete denial of the truth because it does not fit your view of what happened. Where do your views even come from?

Do you even know? Who has shaped you, contributed to you? Have you ever challenged the ideas of manhood that formed you or are you wholly accepting of these ideas? And as I said before, each man experiences manhood differently, but there are gender norms that allow certain ideas of manhood to persist. I mean, some men hate women and still get ass every chance they get.

They womanize, seek women's approval and hate women simultaneously. And so they're violent against them.[00:57:00]

There are people who can accept anything but the truth, anything. They have become resistant to the truth. They have what psychologists call an

A lot of French in this episode, I should have brushed up on my French. I took French in junior high and high school, should have brushed up on it. But that is a preoccupation of the mind believed to be firmly resistant to any attempt to modify it. A fixation. It's a fixation. And that is just another example of how toxic masculinity can survive generations.

Follie a Dieu, Trois, Famille, Idea fix, you know, I was, uh, when I was writing this and I was looking for examples in popular culture, I [00:58:00] remembered, ah, the Barbie movie, the Barbie movie. I heard so much chatter about this movie. I have seen clips, not seen the whole thing. Really not my thing. I understand that people love it.

It's entertaining, et cetera, et cetera. I love thrillers and horror, right? Obviously, I love mysteries and we all know I love police procedurals. Please leave me alone, but My daughter watched it and loved it and she can analyze the whole thing for you Uh, 'cause she did it for me, . But what's interesting is that the Barbie movie, the, the premiere of it and the, the million dollars of it, it, it's, it created conversations about the dangers.

of toxic masculinity. Some thought it was pro women, feminist, you know, just another, it just dismissed it as just another woman thing, [00:59:00] feminist thing, bashing men. But it wasn't about that at all. Um, it addressed what happens when toxic masculinity is challenged, not only by women, but by men, right? As one author describes, he says, the Greece, Greece, the movie, the Greece esque song and dance performed by the Ken's as they turn their rivalry into a brotherhood and begin to question what they really want to be is one example of this challenging of one is one example.

Uh, men challenging toxic masculinity, Ken stereo in another scene, stereotypical Barbie explains to Ken that he is not defined by his girlfriend, what he does. He's not defined by his girlfriend, what he does or by his possessions or power. The glitter and spandex [01:00:00] as the author writes are gone. This is instead a heartfelt acknowledgement that men deserve more than to live basing their identity off of others or things to fit a role of domination or an unattainable ideal.

Men suffer from loneliness. and mental health struggles. Toxic masculinity exacerbates both. Traditionally, it has been women alone who have been able to address these issues with men left to be staunch, composed and without any help. But the Barbie movie isn't a feminist. Movie. It's not anti feminist either.

It's like I said, it's anti bullshit. Gender roles, stereotypes, self limiting behavior, inequality, that is all bullshit. It's all bullshit that somebody made up that people said, this is what we need to keep society in line, to keep people in line, to keep things moving smoothly. And [01:01:00] like the author said, men suffer from loneliness and mental health struggles that are not being addressed by men.

Because they're too busy trying to fit into this role, this role that was created for them. And when someone says to you, Oh, you're not defined by any of that. You're like, what? Huh? Do you break out into a song and dance like the kids do in the movie? We are not defined by our gender, nor confined by it, right?

It's just one of the things that makes us. Just one of the things that, just a classification. Otherwise, women, you know, we're defined as nice and sweet when we, we don't have to be. And we are not always men are defined as dominating and strong when they aren't always, nor do they have to be. [01:02:00] But It's up to all of men to challenge toxic masculinity and breaking free from toxic masculinity benefits everyone.

 It leads to healthier relationships, reduced violence, and a more inclusive society sirs gentlemen, dudes. This is not a job for women. It's also. It's not a woman's job to adopt toxic ideas of manhood. We already have to combat toxic ideas of femininity. and womanhood. I watched, um, this live presentation on Tik TOK.

I don't know why I call them presentations, but people go live from Tik TOK. You guys understand how that works. And they just talk about whatever. And you can watch them talk and you can talk back and you can, if you have enough followers, [01:03:00] you can get in the little box with them and talk to them. But I just like to see what people are talking about sometimes, you know, makeup tips.

But I watched a live where a man had as the, the header. On the live, he said that most women will be homeless by 2030. Huh? Huh? And I recorded some of this cause I just, I needed it for evidence because this is fucking, who would believe me? Well, maybe you would because this is how things are now. But he said, most women will be homeless by 2030 and without even understanding his methodology.

How he reached the conclusion, why he's saying this, a woman who was in the box talking to him chimed in and she said, Oh, I completely agree with you, everything you said, I [01:04:00] completely agree with you, but could you explain how you got to that conclusion?

I was typing in the comments. I'm like, girl, how are you going to agree to something? And you don't even know, you don't even understand it. You don't agree to something you don't understand. It's like you sign a contract and you don't read it. You don't agree to something you don't understand, you ask him to explain it and maybe you agree and maybe you don't.

And if you don't say that, say you don't agree. Some women are afraid to say they disagree. They don't want to be seen as, you know, challenging a man. Women are often too nice. We're not just empathetic, we're too empathetic. We're not just understanding, we're too understand, too understanding. We're too accepting, too forgiving.

When we should be angry, when we should be angry and directing our anger at those who [01:05:00] deserve it. When we should be questioning and skeptical. When we should be challenging an adversarial for ourselves, for ourselves,

men are telling the, telling us these things, these ridiculous things, and they're waging these wars against us. They're being violent against us in the streets just for existing, just for being free and we're not doing anything. We're still just going, okay, I believe you. We're being weak. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I don't like it. And I come from a conservative religious society. Everyone knows this. I'm Muslim. A lot of this shit goes on with Muslim women. This, oh, okay, this placating, this be nice, don't make waves, don't anger your husband, father, brother. Me? I don't give a fuck. [01:06:00] Because one thing you're not going to do to me, is get me to go along with a damn thing.

Why? Because I've seen, I've seen too much. I've experienced too much to not be skeptical. Been fucking homeless because it didn't ask questions. Ended up with financial problems and all kinds of other difficulties because I didn't ask questions because I didn't want to question because I didn't want to make waves because I didn't want to be hit.

Didn't want to be cussed out. I was very nice, very accepting, very forgiving. It was all the, the things that men say that they want from a woman, all the things that people say Muslim women are supposed to be or black women are supposed to be for their black men because society has been so hard on them.

You know what that got me? Divorced. Broke.[01:07:00]

And that is my fault and what is happening in the male community. This is your fault. It's your fault. It's time that men take on the job of combating weak thought in their community and enforce empathy for themselves and others so that these violent criminals, these idiots who just so happen to have.

Some sponsors and some followers and have their face on TV, Andrew Tate, Joe Rogan, Ben Shapogny, Shapiro, Shapiro, these podcast bros and these passport bros, before these ideas, these ill ideas, these unhealthy ideas gain power over you and the next generation. Men need to take on the job of combating these weak thoughts in their community.

And enforce [01:08:00] expression of their feelings to deal with them and force empathy for themselves and others. Remember, it is not about diminishing masculinity. Not at all. I can do that. I can't take that from you. Just like you can't take my womanhood from me. It's not even all of what I am. Anyway, you take away the fact that I'm a woman.

I'm a still be, you know, I'm a still be. Ayana but it's about broadening your understanding and accepting that there is no one way to be a man. There isn't. There can't be not, not when there are billions of different men on the planet, there is no one way to be a man. And you won't diminish masculinity by acknowledging that it's about broadening our, the whole world, really our understanding.

And accepting that there is no [01:09:00] one way to be a man. And one way is through education and awareness. Teach young boys that it's okay to express their emotions and that vulnerability is a strength. It is a strength, not a weakness. Media plays a significant role in shaping perceptions of masculinity, and we all really should be supporting and promoting media that portrays diverse and positive representations of men.

Positive masculinity involves embracing qualities such as empathy, compassion, and emotional intelligence. And there is that word empathy again, maybe if people hear it enough, they'll start to explore what it is and try to develop it within themselves is my hope.

Masculinity isn't a one size fits all concept. Men come in all shapes, sizes, and [01:10:00] identities, and their masculinity is valid no matter how they express it, except when it is toxic and it harms People, no one gets to harm people because of who they are.

You don't get to hit a woman in the face with a brick because you're a man who doesn't like it when a woman tells him no. You don't get to be gangster and then still seeking the approval of a woman. It doesn't make sense, does it? Doesn't make sense.

Not that you need the approval of a woman. You don't. You need the approval of yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, is this who I am? Is this who I want to be? And if the answer is no, do something about it. Men look inward.

Look inward. I N W A [01:11:00] R D. Look inward, examine yourselves, change yourselves, examine your society, inject and promote positive masculinity so that we can create a more inclusive world.

This has been Ayanna Explains It All, brought to you by Facts, Figures, and Enlightenment. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and if you have any thoughts on this topic, please share them with me on social media. Together, we can break free from stereotypes and build a more equitable future for everyone. Take care. [01:12:00]